Untangle Customers from Your Personal Battles

In the language of the transactional analysis (TA) school of psychology, “Let’s You and Him Fight” (LYAHF) refers to somebody pulling others into personal grievances.
     LYAHF came to mind during my visit inside a branch of my bank where I happened to be. As I entered, I heard a female voice gently yell “Good morning!” toward me from behind a desk. I didn’t recall having seen the woman before. How nice to be greeted so cheerfully, I was thinking.
     When I reached her desk, I explained I’d like the bank to get some of my money to Turkey’s Boğaziçi Jazz Choir. One of my colleagues, the multitalented Nur Diker, is in this year’s choir, the choir won first place in the Folklore Category at last year’s INTERKULTUR World Choir Games, the choir is competing in the 2012 games in Cincinnati this week, and I wanted to contribute a little to show my support.
     As I explained all this, the expression changed on the face of the woman behind the desk. What was a smile became a look of irritation. She said, “I’m going to have trouble helping you with that. I’m Armenian.”
     Now I was thinking, “What an error she’s making!” Like her, I looked irritated, but for a different reason. She was making reference to what’s been called the Armenian Genocide of 1915-1918, when, most researchers conclude, two million Armenians living in Turkey were deported or killed. The Turkish government has steadfastly denied responsibility. The woman behind the desk at my bank seemed irritated that I was asking her to facilitate a transaction with an organization in Turkey.
     My irritation was because I was being tangled into a grievance that, at the point I wanted to do business with my bank, was not relevant to me.
     I thought of replying, “I know that Armenians have suffered greatly. A man of Armenian ancestry named Pete Karian, a hard-working, highly successful owner/operator of a dry cleaning store, who married into my family, would talk occasionally of the horrors his grandparents endured.”
     Instead of saying that, though, I repeated my transaction request, feeling uncomfortable. What I would have said to her was genuine. But she should not have called upon me to have thought about it.
     Coach yourself and your staff to keep customers out of personal grievances unless the customers ask to be involved. Entangling them can strangle your profitability.

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Prefer Obligation to Shame