Feel the Emotions When Negotiating

Whether negotiating with a customer, vendor, or regulatory agency, it’s important to acknowledge emotions. Your emotions and the emotions of the other parties. Business consultants at Harvard University, Center for Creative Leadership, and Cambridge Health Alliance point out that the old school advice for negotiators was to separate the person from the problem. But you’re negotiating with people.
     More than this, neuropsychological research finds that it is our emotional reactions which signal to us which of our demands in the negotiation are most and least important. Good negotiators have emotional intelligence—skills in monitoring one’s own and others’ feelings; discriminating among the feelings; and using the information to guide one’s actions.
     The business consultants recommend a set of questions to ask yourself before negotiating. This is my adaptation of that set:

• “How do I want to feel going into the negotiating?” Probably you want to feel confident. But if you dig a bit, you’re likely to say you also want to feel uncertain. You see the need to be guarded against other parties taking advantage of you. By identifying the contradictory emotions, you’re in a better position to play them in concert. 
• “What’s most likely to throw me off emotionally during the negotiations?” Think about the undesired or poorly timed feelings you’ve had during past negotiations and what set those feelings going. These recollections prepare you to sense if and when your emotions are starting to be counterproductive and to devise in advance ways to get your feelings back on track. 
• “How do I want to feel coming out of the negotiating?” Satisfied, probably. That’s a realistic expectation. But are you expecting to feel triumphant? That might not be realistic, so you’d be setting yourself up for unpleasant emotions to follow, like sadness, irritation, discouragement, and self-hate. 

     Missing from this list, but essential for fruitful negotiating is awareness of the feelings expected and experienced by the others.
     Also, you can introduce emotions into the negotiating. The emotion of amusement, for example. A few years ago, I heard a story about a used-car dealer showing his shopper an older-model Chevrolet in excellent condition and saying, “The price is only $7,000.” The customer replied, “I’m willing to give you $3,500.” The salesman nodded, then grinned mischievously, before responding, “If at all possible, I’d prefer to sell you the whole car.”
     Just be sure you’re laughing with the customer, not at them.

Click below for more: 
Temper Negotiating Tension 
Consult Mirror Neurons with Vendors 
Synch with Your Shopper’s Brain Before Influencing